Posted by
Richard Davis on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 8:39:33 AM
To: Al "I really did win" Gore
The Big Mansion in Tennessee which burns six times the energy of the average house,
Gore Mountain, TN 00000-0000
Dear Nearly President Gore:
I am writing to you because you invented this internet that I am on, and if you can do that you must be a very wise and powerful man, even though you have named your wife Tipper, which kind of reminds me of the garbage truck that tips the plastic containers into it.
As you can see from the picture I took just a few minutes ago out my front window, we are not getting any of the global warming you keep promising. And I want to know who you can talk to about this. There is snow everywhere.
I know you and Hillary Clinton don't always get along, but it looks like she might be the next president of the United States, which you are nearly one. Anyway, she will be in charge of all our lives, from cradle to grave, and I know that she will turn to you to take care of getting some more global warming going.
Between the two of you, and that Speaker of the House with the babushka, Nancy, this should be a slam dunk.
We all know that it is a RWC (Right Wing Conspiracy) to keep global warming from happening, so you kind of look bad. Worse than you looked when you had an army of lawyers pouncing on the voting Chads in Florida in year 2000.
We all know this is wrong, and that the members of the vast RWC would rot in hell, if you believed in it. Since you don't, I think they might just freeze to death.
So I am asking you to maybe team up with Hugo Chavez and Mr. President of Iran who wants the Atom bomb and deliver some of this global warming.
Right now my chives in my pots outside the garage are bent over and frozen, and the little helicopter seeds on my maple tress don't look like they will ever fly into my hated neighbor's gutters to clog them.
All because this global warming never, ever gets here.
Would you believe I thought I saw a wooly Mammoth down the block?
It turned out it was just Barack Obama who had huddled a bunch of people under a big furry coat. I didn't see you or Hillary in it though. Please don't take that as an insult to Mammoths in any way. I don't want to end up like that Don Imus guy and be banned from Townhall for two weeks.
Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to pack it up and go way south to visit your friend Hugo in Venezuela, where he has managed to get the global warming going.
Anyway, please send some heat, more than from just your open mouth, and thank you so much again for inventing the internet and the email I guess then too.
Stay Warm.
Your friend,
Chad.